and i want to blog about love.
it's past valentines day. i can't even remember if i finished posting my love story... but i've been thinking about this post for a long time. because i feel like i've learned a lot about love. i'm 21, i've been to college four years, and i've dated lots. still though, i'm a baby. who am i to blog about love? my parents have been married for like 100 years (jk, mom!). i'm not as experienced as them! they've been falling in love for decades! and i've only just started. but still, looking back at the last few years, i've learned so much about love. i know i still have a lot to learn--i haven't even gotten married yet! but, i feel like i've learned some valuable lessons worth sharing. if anything else, i can look back on this post whenever i want and be reminded of what today felt like.
>> love is humbling. it's not like in the movies. i remember my grandmother telling me this and i thought, "yeah, whatever grandma." silly, right? i always thought my parents' relationship was perfect, so of course it was possible for everyone to have a perfect relationship. i have never heard my parents yell at each other or speak harsh words to each other. sure, they argue over little things, but i never see them fight with each other. so when i started dating dallas seriously, and problems would pop up, and we would get angry with each other, i was totally lost. every feeling i've ever felt is heightened when it has anything to deal with dallas. happiness, sadness, anger--i feel it X10 when it has to do with dallas. i literally believed that any two people could be in a relationship with 0 conflict. but i soon realized that that is not how it works. i have learned that while anger can be controlled, and there is no such thing as "losing your temper," nobody is perfect. and everyone makes mistakes. i don't know why i forgot that. so i've learned that love takes the ability say sorry. often. and love takes the ability to forgive. often. love takes work. hard work. love takes constant sacrifice. and love takes lots of patience. love is the most important learning experience i've ever had.
but there is another thing i've learned about love:
>> love is be better than anything i'd ever imagined. even before i fell in love, when i was completely oblivious to it's struggles, and i thought love was just like it is in the movies, i still could not comprehend just how absolutely, unreservedly, unconditionally, positively, utterly wonderful it would be. i've never been happier in my life. and that happiness grows every day. this whole new compartment of my heart that i never even knew existed has opened up and soared as tall as the highest mountain and it just keeps growing. it sounds so ridiculous and unbelievable. but if i could have let my before-true-love-self feel even a seedling of what i feel now.. i would have been so much more incredibly excited for the day i would fall in love with dallas william hadley. <3
and so, to quote from one of my favorite movies, stardust:
"you know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."