Wednesday, August 29, 2012

is this real life?


last night was the closest i have ever been to completely insane. i mean, that doesn't mean much, but it's still notable.

ya wanna know what happened?

it started out like any other "annoying fly" situation. there was just this fly buzzing around the house. a really large one. and a very, very loud one. no big deal, right? a fly is a fly. a harmless little fly. except, this fly never landed. so it was constantly buzzing around your head and would never hold still long enough to be killed. squished. demolished. and it also had a hankering for the heads of me and my sister. probably because we smell so nice and shower every day. ha. anyway, it continued like this until everyone went to bed bug me. i mean but. and so it mercilessly harassed me as i tried to work on my final papers for my study abroad class. it got to a point that i was waving my hand around to swat it away from my face so much that i just decided to give up on my homework. typing with one hand in the air is not efficient. so i got up, got ready for bed, and headed down to the basement to sleep next to my niece and nephew. i could still hear the fly buzzing in the kitchen above, because this fly has.. had? the most obnoxious buzz ever. i covered my head with my blanket and i could still hear him. very loudly. oh, wait. that's because he's still buzzing around my head. because he followed me. down the stairs and into the basement.

i tried so hard to ignore him. to tell myself that he was just a harmless little fly that couldn't hurt me. finally i jumped up and flead outta there. sorry--fled. i ran as fast as i could up the stairs and bolted past the kitchen, past the family room, and finally into the living room. and crawled underneath a throw blanket on the couch and waited for sleep to hit me. but it never happened. because within ten minutes i could hear that dang fly buzzing its butt off in the family room, just one room away from me. and i knew. i knew he would find me. so i made a run for it to the guest bedroom and slammed the door shut. i quickly looked around for something i could cover the gap at the bottom of the door with. i found a towel and shoved it under the door, sealing off the room. there. i was safe now. right?

but i couldn't sleep. the air conditioning was blowing through the vents, and i swore i could hear a faint buzzing under the soft rushing noise. he was out to get me. he would find the tiny corner hole under the door that there wasn't enough towel for. he would. and i was going to die.

i couldn't sleep. i was paranoid. and then i started wondering why? why was this happening to me? how is this fly following me everywhere? maybe.. maybe there's more than one. where did they come from? was this the end of the world? were a million flies going to start swarming the skies and annoy everyone to death? if that's the case i am going to barricade my nieces and nephews in the bathroom with me and shove towels in every crack. wait. what? what am i thinking? this is a totally unrealistic scenario. it is not the end of the world. probably. okay... well, this fly (or flies??) seem to be buzzing around my head so much.. maybe it's my hair! maybe there are fly babies hatching in my hair! how did the fly eggs get there? they could have been on the towel i used to dry my hair after i showered in the morning. they could likely be there because the towel came from the guest bedroom and i have been thinking it smelled like a dirty diaper in there lately, maybe they is some dead animal in there that is breeding flies. oh, gross. i'm doomed. but how could fly eggs withstand my wet hair. do they even come out of eggs? i know. my sister probably put some sort of fly honey in my shampoo bottle as a joke. yeah. but this is becky we're talking about - the angel. so this is unlikely. my mind kept racing, straining for a possible reason for this terrible fly plaguing me and ruining my life. i would come up with a new wild ideas but every one of them seemed to not make sense in my head. i was literally going insane.

finally, i don't know when, and i don't know how, but i drifted off to sleep.

in the morning i woke up. and then it all came flooding back to me. the fly and everything. and i started laughing. forever.

this, my friends, is why you should never try writing an essay past 2:00am.

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